Image Credit: © Florida Conference
Are you a social butterfly or a social outcast? Well, personally, I think you can run into trouble at both ends of the scale. Somewhere in the middle is probably a good place to be.
Humans Are Social Animals
Whenever you find one human, chances are pretty good that you’ll find a group of them. Yes we all enjoy our own company and like our “me time”, but we crave the company of others. And the same goes for all you introverts out there too, you crave the company of others just as much as everyone else. Possibly more. We are at our happiest when we believe that we are an integral part of a social group. Even if that group consists of only two people. Almost everything we do, we do within the confines of a social group.
It is impossible to be human and not be social.
But Is It Important
The next time you are out, take note of the expressions on peoples faces. After a little while you’ll notice that, in general, the people who are in a little group are happier than those who are alone. Now think about a successful person that you know, or know of, and ask yourself this question: Could this person have gotten to where they are today if they didn’t have any social skills?
Not only are social skills important to your success, they are important to your health. Do you know what one of the most common things that people with depression complain about? Not having any friends. No, I’m not suggesting that good social skills are a cure for depression. But they certainly play a significant part in its treatment. In fact, developing good social skills is one of the treatments for depression and other mental illnesses.
I’m Too Shy
Here’s the good news… You are already a social person. And now for some more good news. I’m going to show you how easy it is to be social. I want you to try a little experiment and I think you’ll be amazed at the results. Go for out for a walk and the first person you come across that is walking the other way, as you pass, look them in the eye and smile. Don’t do anything else, just smile. What happened? They smiled back at you, didn’t they? Did anything bad happen? Of course not. And how did you feel afterwards?
Hopefully I’ve been able to show you that the first step to being social, initial human contact, isn’t as horrible and scary as you’ve been telling yourself. Nothing bad happened. The sky didn’t collapse. The other person didn’t attack you. You didn’t spontaneously combust. And at the end of it, you actually felt pretty good. By the way, the other person felt really good too.
It Gets Easier With Practise
Like anything that is difficult, or makes you feel uneasy in the beginning, they get easier every time you do them. And you get better at the thing each and every time you do it. Social skills are no different. You have to practise practise practise. Here are a couple of harmless and fun ways for you to work on your social skills…
- Stranger Smiling: You’ve already tried this one out. Do it again. Make a game out of it with yourself and see how many smiles you can collect in a certain amount of time. Start small like 10 or 15 minutes, but force yourself to smile at any person that you make eye contact with.
- Name That Badge: What you do here is that every time you talk to anyone wearing a name badge, you must use their name during the conversation. Just once if you’re a beginner. Twice if you’re intermediate, and three or more if you’re a pro.
- I’m Lost: You pretend to be lost and all you have to do is ask a stranger for directions. You better actually follow the directions otherwise the person you asked is gonna chase you to put you on the right path.
Oh, extra credit if you can get the stranger to take you to the destination personally. Triple score if it is more than a 20 minute drive. - What’s The Time: Oh this is an easy one, just find out the time from a stranger.
- What’s The Score: A little tougher than “What’s The Time”, find out the score of a recent sporting event.
- The Good Samaritan: If you see someone who obviously needs some help, offer to assist them. Maybe you could do the opposite of “I’m Lost”.
- Question Time: While you are sitting at a bus stop or train station, see how many questions you can ask the person sitting beside you. It doesn’t need to be anything particularly deep, and definitely nothing personal. You could even use this one to check off a few of the other exercises.
Further Reading
I thought about making that heading say “Required Reading” because the book I’m about to recommend to you really is good enough to be considered required reading. When some people hear the title of this book they think it is a joke. Trust me, it’s not. It is a real book with a real message that will completely change your life.
Amazon Books
Final Words
Humans are social creatures. It is completely natural for us to be social. So my advice if you are struggling with it is to relax. Take small steps, but make sure you do take those steps. Try a couple of those exercises I mentioned earlier, just to see how it goes. If you move out of your comfort zone often enough the uncomfortable becomes comfortable and you have grown as a person.
Till next time…
Help me write more great articles like this, fuel my mojo with a coffee!
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Nice post Steve, as always
Our ability to relate to others is an important part of success. Without the social skills to interact, communicate and work with others many people find it hard to get on in life.
Your tips are great! I like the idea of stranger smiling – might try that today lol
Thanks for your comment, Ben. Yeah, collecting smiles is loads of fun. It costs you nothing, but the rewards are huge! For both you, and your lucky “victim” lol.
Take care, mate
Steve.
Twitter: SteveYoungs
A lot of the techniques (one to five) you’ve suggested for becoming more at ease with society are the same sort of things that psychologists recommend to people who suffer from social phobia.
This isn’t a bad thing – the comparison is drawn because these techniques work, and they work well.
You’re right – humans are innately social. Deprived of like company we become depressed and lose function. Even those of us who have the impression that we can survive completely alone need some level of interpersonal contact!
Of course, social skills are also a necessity in almost any career one should choose – when you don’t need to deal with people outside, you need to deal with colleagues and superiors in a manner that appeases them.
I found this a brilliant read – keep the posts coming!
Twitter: HorstBurkhardt
Hey Horst!
Thanks for stopping by, mate. Great comment.
Twitter: SteveYoungs
I use to be shy, but I think the net has brought me out of that shyness. Just don’t ask me to do any public speaking.
Being confident and outgoing on the net is completely different from being that way in real life though. Do you think your online relationships have helped you conquer your shyness in real life too? It’s funny how public speaking ranks higher than just about anything else on people’s list of greatest fears. I’ve always enjoyed it, personally. Then again, some would say I’m pretty weird.
Thanks ever so much for commenting, Rose. And that goes doubly now that I know you are having problems with my site.
Twitter: SteveYoungs